I am a Schizophrenia Patient

It's been over ten years since I started suffering from this illness, and I had a virtual consultation today. Although my condition has improved a lot compared to before with regular check-ups and medication, there is still anxiety, excessive worry, and concerns deep down in my heart. At one point, it was so severe that I increased the dosage of medication I had reduced, and I am now at that point.

Although there's no one on this earth without worries, in my case, it's also related to mental issues, so the waves of emotions that come at different times are sometimes difficult to control. So, sometimes it manifests as anger, and at times, I even reach the extreme thought of wanting everything to end.

However, as a person of the faith who is trained daily with the word and prayer, I have a certain determination to take good care of my heart above all else. So, although I am lacking, I set aside a certain amount of time to meditate on the word and be close to it, and although I'm not as good as others, I try to listen to His voice, understand, and put it into practice through prayer.

Because my thoughts and the state of my heart are directly related to the spiritual world, at this point when I just turned forty, I intend to be a more mature believer than before and to fulfill the role of the eldest daughter in a family. To be honest, even while writing this strong determination, I am a weak human being, so there are still negative feelings within me.

The sermon title I heard on Sunday recently was 'Stop Worrying!'. Like a naive child, for a moment, I closed my eyes and didn't worry, thinking, 'If I earnestly entrust everything to God, He will take care of it,' but I realized that it's truly difficult to practice what the word says when I experience fear coming over my heart again in the situations and conversations I face in reality.

Nevertheless, I want to give thanks and confess that everything was grace at this moment. In a few days, it will be 18 years since I've been living in the United States. Unlike others, I haven't moved even once, and I've been living in the same place since I first came to America. I've already become too attached, and it can be called my second home.

As the pastor said, we don't know what will happen tomorrow, and I believe there is nothing more foolish than worrying about the future, which hasn't even happened yet. If it's that time, it is far more desirable to spend time in piety or to go outside, look at nature, feel the Creator God, and have a healing time. So, I also love this place surrounded by beautiful nature.

Since it would be bland with just words, I will bring a landscape photo I recently took.

(Location is omitted for privacy)

So, the conclusion is carpe diem, let's be faithful to the present and this very moment!